


Gabriel's loneliness

by scullyisspooky



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentioned Castiel - Freeform, mentioned Dean, mentioned Lucifer, sort of sabriel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 08:44:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7708495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scullyisspooky/pseuds/scullyisspooky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And for a second, he did not care that Sam was with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gabriel's loneliness

**Author's Note:**

> (Important: English is not my first language, I hope you understand if this have some mistakes and it will)
> 
> More by the line of Gabriel's thoughts than Sabriel tbh.

Sam knows what he feels is wrong, it is rare, is _unnatural_ and he have to stop it somehow, and it seems that the days of absence of Gabriel are the best chance to overcome those feelings that could never be worthy of a celestial being as Gabriel. Especially because during that time, he abandoned himself at the idea that the Archangel had been killed at the hands of his brother. 

But Sam curses the luck that he never had when the golden-eyed man appears at the door of the bunker that had sheltered him for so long. Curses Gabriel, God and himself, because when he sees the man, he knows that all this time he failed to stop wanting Gabriel. 

When Sam embraces him, he seems smaller, more fragile, and wants to silence that voice in his mind that tells him that Gabriel is _broken_. Because for him, the archangel just needs a little time to recover, but at the same time knows that is not as simple as that, in fact, Sam knows that it is not simple and that, this time, he has to behave like the man he is. 

The days pass and to his team now joins one second celestial being. Anyone could say that life with Gabriel and Castiel in the bunker would be complicated, strange even, but Sam seems oddly comforting because it is the closest thing to a whole family he has felt in years, maybe it's the first time in his life he feels he have something that is his and he should take care of, and at night Sam wonders if Dean will feel the same way, or Gabriel, even Castiel, but thoughts are quickly taken by a heavy haze that the next morning recognize as sleep. 

But Sam cursed again, because now ensures that he has no luck. Gabriel is strange, and the truth was that the trickster had never been greater representation of a normal person, but somehow had managed to look even weirder than he was, but what would not stop bothering Sam, was that Gabriel now was strange in the wrong way, because, when it was about Gabriel there was even a correct way in which someone could be strange. But now it wasn't the case, Gabriel was more quiet, silent the most of the time, almost absent in half the time that they were not in a hunt. Always waiting as if something were to happen, or as if someone were to come. 

And Sam quickly realizes _what_  is it that Gabriel is waiting for. 

Gabriel expected Lucifer to kill him. This time really, definitely, and not that he wants or craves it, but is trying to be realistic and knows that at, some point, his brother will find out he played a trick again and he is alive when Lucifer is assumed that himself had been cin charge of stabbing him with a angel blade. Gabriel is afraid and hates it because an archangel can not feel fear, or that tells Sam when he achieves the angel open enough that after a few minutes the tears of fear and pain start falling down his face. 

Because that's another thing that haunts Gabriel, the fact that Lucifer had not hesitated a moment to kill him, that his hand had not trembled when he took up the angel blade and stabbed the illusion that Gabriel created, knowing that, that was one of the minimum things that Lucifer was capable of. 

Gabriel ached seeing the look in the eyes of Lucifer, that he couldn't recognize because the man in front of him wasn't his brother, wasn't an angel, and it definitely was not a son of God. Gabriel could only see all the hate that had corrupted the soul of the angel, all that anger against his creator, what was now overturned against him, waiting for the right moment to strike. And he did. 

Those were the things that tormented Gabriel, and Sam realized that his face was also wet with tears as he hugged the fragile body of the celestial being, not wanting to admit that those tears were because he had fallen in _love_ with Gabriel and his pain was so strong that even the younger of the Winchester could feel it. _Own_. He took over the pain of Gabriel, but in such a useless way that the winged being in his arms seemed to have any consolation as opened his heart to the human. 

And Sam cursed, cursed himself and he cursed God, for letting so beautiful and perfect creation be damaged by his own work, how could his own hand hurt itself? How could God allow their sons to kill one another? Both of them fell asleep cuddled on the couch, crying with fatigue straining their bodies, their souls, hoping that the next morning the world seems a brighter, more peaceful place. 

But they both knew that the shadow of Lucifer will never leave Gabriel's mind, his soul was broken in a sense far beyond the scope of a mere mortal like Sam, he never could erase the real pain that had left  Lucifer's footprint in the heart of Gabriel. 

It was so, and he had to accept that Gabriel was no longer be the same as he was when Sam met him, they no longer have improvised jokes, or bad comments, just a similar shade of which Gabriel mimicked on the floor when his wings began to be printed on the floor after Lucifer tried to kill _him_. 

Perhaps there will never be comfort to Gabriel, perhaps he could never let go of that pain that in a long time will still remain in his mind, his heart and soul, wishing the attack of Lucifer had been only a dream, a trick of his mind after so many years doing tricks to get what he wanted. But it was real, and that was what tormented him, he could never get rid of the memories, the pain, the fear, the feeling that, at any moment, Lucifer can come and kill him,this time for good, now would ensure of finish the work and he'll follow Gabriel until the last corner of the planet if necessary. 

Gabriel was _lonely_ , because all that he had ever known, all that he had ever loved with all the purity and innocence of an angel was gone, the ironic life had seen to take everything that he ever had, leaving him alone, _empty_. Some nights wanting to end his life _himself_ to erase that feeling that Lucifer had successfully managed to leave in him at the time in which he did not hesitate to cross the illusion with the blade. 

And for a second, he did not care that Sam was with _him_.

**Author's Note:**

> Really don't know? I love angst, that's all
> 
> You can find me as grumpy-archer on tumblr!


End file.
